Chuck Norris Eats Fish Sandwich, Web Goes Ape

Los Angeles, CA – Local teenager Sarah McBride made ripples in the internet community last week when she blogged about her celebrity spotting at celebspot.com. While walking to lunch with her parents Sunday afternoon, McBride noticed someone doing something that caught her eye. At first there was the vague sense of recognition, the “I know that person” feeling, followed by the comparative stage (“That guy looks like…”). Finally, if one is not too dense, or intoxicated, the realization stage sets in (“Hey, they are totally famous!”). For McBride, the three stages swept her off her feet with ease and speed. “When you live in Los Angeles, you have a certain constant level of expectation,” said McBride. “Of what?” I inquired. “Of seeing a celebrity,” she retorted quite rudely.  “Oh, sorry, I got distracted by that ice cream truck that went by a minute ago…. do you think they sell Funyuns?”

Moments later, sweaty but with a mouth fun of Funyuns, I sat down with McBride on the porch of her Los Angeles bungalow. Eyes bright and glittering, she recounted for me the exciting afternoon five days ago when her life changed forever. The sun was setting over the City of Angels, the thick layer of smog on the horizon caused the evening light to take on a warm, reddish glow. I had just finished my Funyuns, thrown the crumpled bag half-heartedly towards the gutter and wiped my greasy fingers on my khakis. I breathed in deep, the aromatic smells of car exhaust at my nostrils and leaned back, my elbow making a head-on collision with the prize saguaro of the McBride Family cactus garden. After several minutes of cursing and Mrs. McBride chastising me while pulling spiny little knives of my arm, I decided I wasn’t getting paid enough for this and drove my Yugo the mile back to my house.

Once there, I logged onto the internet. I thought, what better way to express this intriguing little bit of news than going straight to the source? I mean, the first lesson of journalistic integrity is to get it from the horse’s mouth, right? Lesson Number Two is how to Copy & Paste. I didn’t go to Journalism School or anything but I’m pretty sure that’s how this works. So. Without further ado:

Hey everyne: Sk8trLvr69 here. Check it out! K. So I;m just like totally walking down Venice Blvd right cause I have this thing on my arm, it;s like totally gross I won;t even go there but that’s where my doctor is. So I;m walking walking walkingboring and I pass McFishy’s Fish Shack with has like this totally rad outdoor seating area I guess you’d call it a patio and I see this guy. Red hair. Beard. Sunglasses. You know wear this is going, I know! IT”S CHUCK FREAKING NORRIS!!!!! I could not believe it. I totally whipped out my phone to take a pic but then I realized he woudl totally see me and I have to act chill for the Nor-man, right? He like invented kicking ass. And dude. The best part. He is like eating a fish sandwich. Just totally chowing down. He must LOVE fish sandwiches. It was totally the highlight of my lfie. Ok gg. So Sorry I didn;t get a pic but you wouldn;t either if you were in the pressence of the Nor. My brother Jaime is like this totally amazing drawer and he’s going to sketch a pic later which I;ll totes post asap. Peace out for now.

McBride posted the above commentary at 2:34pm and it immediately became an internet phenomenon. By 3:45pm that same day there were seven Facebook groups dedicated to the sighting, with “Fishy Norris” and “Chuck + Cod = <3” competing for most members. By 4:30pm a T-shirt depicting Norris punching a fish and reading “Gotta have my sammies” was sold out and McBride’s post had been accessed more times than the Otter Holding Hands, Lion Hug, and Panda Sneeze videos combined.